THE PLAY & OTHER NEWS.

      So the play went REALLY WELL. We had Senior Circle like three days before the last show, which is where all the seniors in the show go around in a circle & say something touching. Now, I'd been an emotional wreck all week, but this was too much. I started thinking about how much I would miss theater after high school, and all the friends I've made because of it. Honestly, I would have way less friends if I weren't in theater productions. So when it was my turn, I didn't say anything cause I was trying not to cry. Then, I literally exploded in tears. I hate crying in front of people, but this time, I had no control, and it was scary. It scared everyone else too. People don't know what to do when I cry. Eventually I reeled my emotions back in and spat out something about how theater helped me make friends & how Sarah boo was the one who prompted me to try out for my first musical. But those emotions :( everyone kept asking me for the rest of the night if I was okay.. Then after the last show we all went to Chili's, but at that point I was like "I'm tired of being around all you jokers, I wanna get in my bed." So that was that.
      Now we have Seussical coming up! It's a bunch of plotlines & characters from Dr. Seuss books put to music! I want to be the Sour Kangaroo. It's a lead part. I'm not saying that all seniors are entitled to a lead part simply because it'll be our last show, but that's one reason why I deserve it. That and the fact that I'm damn good. I have the Sour Kangaroo's part memorized, and the songs! I told Hollomon that and he reacted somewhat positively, of course it was about 7:45am but still. I hope desperately for this part! I feel like I've waited long enough for a lead role. I always get crappy parts. But this year I'm so ready for auditions. I've sung the audition song a million times. Everyone I asked thought I would make a great Sour Kangaroo. She's the leader of the Jungle of Nool, and she thinks Horton is an idiot for thinking that people are living on a clover. She thinks she's right about everything which isn't really my personality, but I could definitely play it well! She's sassy and has gospel vocals, which I am definitely capable of. I honestly don't see anyone at our school getting that role except me. I just have to throw down, kick some ass, and totally WRECK at auditions so I can be sure I've got the part. Pray that I get it guys!

I've been really busy since school started. The play, homework & tests, college applications, not to mention living my life. Last weekend, the play ended. Friday, I went to Hannah's birthday party. VERY FUN, I love her. Saturday morning, I had my ACT, feel very good about it. Saturday night, Laney boo's party. EXTREMELY FUN, he's my best friend. Church this morning. Tomorrow & Tuesday, auditions. The rest of the year will be busy. I just hope it's in the thrilling way. In other news, I might start to learn some instrument. Guitar, keyboard, or saxophone maybe. :)

Have a wonderful week!
xoxo, Erin

HOMECOMING?.. WAIT, NEVER MIND.

     

     
        So school's going well! My only challenging class is Pre-Calculus, I hate it. My grade's been dropping, gotta pick it back up! Rehearsal is going well. I get to be a hippie-stoner as the Apothecary in Romeo & Juliet! Did I say that last time? Oh well if I did. I'm so excited for this production. But I'm even more excited for Seussical!
       People have been really irritating me this week. I spent a lot of time crying. My two best friends both decided to go to Homecoming with someone else after previously saying they weren't going at all, so that really hurt. & this one girl at school said I wouldn't get accepted into Harvard. It made me super upset. Like, how dare you say I won't get accepted when you're too stupid to get accepted anywhere? I choose to think positively, since I tend to think the worst about everything, & believe I will get in. Harvard has been in my heart as long as I can remember, so I know God has a say in this. I'll work hard in school and let Him do His part. I've been feeling a bit lonely these days. On the bright side, people have still been saying I look thinner, even though I haven't been working out (but they don't know that). I guess because I don't always eat breakfast/dinner, so I haven't put on any weight. Whoo! Just gotta keep it up, and keep not snacking like I used to, cause I've been doing well with that. But anyway.
       The guy I wanted to go to Homecoming with asked another girl. The other guy isn't going at all, but he might go to prom, and I hope he asks me :) I've been seeing girls get asked to Homecoming in the sweetest, most creative ways the past few weeks. It's made me feel pretty sad. I know I have lots of time for relationships, but I'm 17. Excuse me for wanting one now. It's just part of being a teenager. So instead, on Homecoming night, I'm going over to a new friend's house with some other friends to hang out! They think I'm funny and cool, so they invited me over! Glad to have people who seem to appreciate me, even though I haven't even met two of them yet.
       Another thing I've been thinking about: sharing faith on social media. I think people should be free to discuss or express their faith however much they want. My Muslim friends tweet about Allah, my atheist friends tweet about not believing in God, so I should be able to tweet about Jesus, shouldn't I? I don't judge them on their faith or lack thereof. But some people actually state how they hate when people tweet about religious matters. I think, if you don't like me tweeting about my Savior, then unfollow me, unfriend me, whatever. Won't hurt my feelings. I'd rather have my God forever than have you as a temporary friend any day.

Happy almost-October!
xoxo, Erin

P.S. One Direction's new single, Live While We're Young comes out tomorrow! :D

REHEARSAL.. & PLAYS & WESTERN-NESS!

       The first two weeks of school have gone pretty well for me. Since I have two aide periods, I really only have 5 classes that I need to focus on, & one of them is a computer class. So four. This is gonna be a chill year & I sure as hell deserve it! The last three years of high school have been almost brutal for me, so I'd been praying senior year would be awesome.
        I've also been thinking more about who my real friends are. I'd say Lane is the best best, because it seems like he's the only one who genuinely cares about me and shows his love to me every single day. I am so in love with our friendship. Then Jaysha, though it's hard cause she's a million miles away in Florida & I haven't seen her in over a year. I send her pictures, but I miss her :( & Bonnie. She needs me right now, & I cannot turn away. And Gabe! She is just too freaking awesome for words. She's my best partner in fun crime buddy :D so yeah, everyone else who's in my life is either just a friend, or like an acquaintance (except my family, obviously). I'll say hi to you and make small talk or whatever but I'm not gonna tell you what really goes on in my life. You have to earn those stories. But I do love telling regular funny stories to anyone who wants to listen! It's my senior year, and it's gonna pass way too quick to spend another minute with people who don't really appreciate me. I guess Merryn would be in the good friend category also, she's been with me through everything.
        August 30th was my birthday! It was pretty chill in school, some friends gave me money! I was a little pissed that nobody brought me cupcakes or balloons to be honest. And I had callbacks on that day too. I can finally say I'm 17 :) WHOOO! I can finally go see rated-R movies.. legally ;)
       Rehearsal is okay. I got the role of the Apothecary in Romeo & Juliet, and I wanted to be the Nurse. For whatever reason I didn't get it. It makes me mad that our director always gives main roles to his favorites, when I'm just as good as them; I just never get the chance to show it. It's not fair. Lane & I always talk about how we're gonna go so hard in Seussical auditions. I have to be the Sour Kangaroo, I'm partly memorized on the script and the songs already! I would be the best damn Sour Kangaroo they ever saw. I'm gonna do so well in my auditions, there will be no reason for him to not give me the part. But I guess the Apothecary is okay. This is why I HAVE to be a director in LITL this year. I'm writing a script for it already & considering the people I want to be in it! One of them is the girl who got the part of Juliet. So excited! I can give people a chance to show their talent.
        Tuesday, Bonnie & I went to go see a play with other kids from theater. Our school got a grant that lets us go see plays at a downtown theater for free! They're always amazing. So far, I've seen 4 I think. My favorite was God of Carnage, it was AMAZING! I want to buy the movie version with Kate Winslet. Last night's was an improv group from Chicago with a few non-improv sketches that were basically poking fun at Texas culture--I THINK SOMEONE JUST FIRED A GUN OUTSIDE. Hmm. It was soooo funny! Just makes me wanna be a stage actress even more. Not necessarily as a career, just a hobby. <3
        Also it was Western Day at school Thursday! We have theme days to go with football. I'm gonna try to participate in all of them since it's my last year to do so. Our morning pep rally is when we all follow the drumline through the halls of the school & jump and do cheers. I was literally dripping with sweat. It took me about half an hour to finally cool down and for my shirt to dry off. Then Bonnie & I went to our afternoon pep rally & had fun together :) Lane is a crowd-jazzer, a Lion Keeper we call them at Turner, & he looked adorable & like he was having the time of his life <33 he drove us to Burger King before rehearsal to get some nourishment after our exertions. Makes me even sadder about not having my license. I literally daydream about all I'd do if I had a car. Anyway. Good two weeks!

Have fun in school!
xoxo, Erin

pictures from the play! I am in love with my shirt <3

and a picture of me from Western Day! I sent it to my mom & grandma & they showed people who said I look thinner :D I'm so proud it's showing!

SENIOR YEAR STARTS TOMORROWWW

       So, my senior year of high school starts tomorrow. Bittersweet.
My high school experience hasn't been as great as I thought it would be when I was younger, but it seems weird that it'll be over this year. Summer was pretty nice, I enjoyed relaxing, and now I have to go back to school and see people I never wanted to see again. I have to start socializing again, cause I've hardly talked to or seen anyone from school the past 3 months. So lemme, ya know, reintegrate myself into teenage society.
       At least I have my schedule. It's alright. Mainly excited for Anatomy & Physiology and AP Literature. And I'm an office aide, so I get a period of relaxation :) except for delivering passes and stuff to classes. I know I'll for sure have people to eat lunch with, since Jaysha isn't here, and I don't wanna be a loner and eat by myself. Someone eating by themselves is one of the saddest things I've ever seen. Each college is having their own lunch, and there are 4 now, so look who won't have lunch with most of my friends. I do have friends in my own college, the medical one, but lots of my friends are in the media arts college :/ oh well.          
       Also, Bonnie, my other best friend or so I thought, I suppose I'll be seeing tomorrow. I don't think we have any classes together, and I'm kinda okay with that. She's still my best friend I guess, but things aren't the same. She told me once, well into our friendship, that she would never be able to give me the attention that a best friend deserves, and that's always made me think: well should I even call you my best friend? I have Jaysha, even though she lives in Florida now, and it breaks me over and over when I think about the fact that she's not here for senior year. And Lane. And Gabe, too, but she's at college now having fun :) Bonnie and I have connected and shared things, but it feels like she's purposely not hanging out with me. She'll tell me she wants to hang out but that she's working or otherwise busy, then I'll see her on Facebook saying she's hanging out with other people. I can't even say how much that hurt. I don't want to cut her out, but I deserve better!! I have to keep reminding myself that I deserve better than what a lot of people are willing to give. I think I'll wait for Bonnie to notice me, to hunt me down or get my attention in the halls tomorrow. I will not be the first one anymore. I love that girl and she loves me, but not as much as I deserve.

       With senior year comes so many responsibilities, decisions, tryouts, applications, and tests that I'm only partly ready to handle. At least I have my mom :) I'm applying to Harvard, and if I get in, they'll pay my way there! Praying I get in <3 my heart is set on Cambridge, Massachusetts. If not, I'll apply to TCU, ACU, and a few other universities. And my 17th birthday is Thursday! And my grandma's 71st! What a great coincidence :D

Have a great first day!
xoxo, Erin

MORE THAN A MONTH!

 

    Gahh I haven't posted in over a month and I'm sorry! I've been busy doing pretty much nothing, and on summer vacation, that can take awhile. A few fun things have happened since my last blog. :)

    I went to a sleepover for the girls in our church group! Even though I don't go to the church as often as I would like, which is a shame because I've made some amazing friends there, one of whom is going off to college this weekend D: I've become superrr close with her over the past year & a half (I think that's how long it's been) and I'm gonna miss her! She's a bundle of greatness <3 and her tattoo is freaking awesome!
But anyway, the sleepover, and she was there too lawl.
    Lauryn, the worship leader and host of the partay, drove Gabe & I to dinner where we met up with the rest of the girls. I ate chicken enchiladas which were tasty :) then we went to Lauryn's house, and that car ride was prolly the most fun car ride I've ever had. Lauryn is one of the most hilarious people I know, other than me of course ;) and her apartment is the most adorable apartment I've ever seen! It has quite a lot of floor space :o & she said I could live with her so that's where I'm headed! Joking. A girl's mom gave us a little church lesson while Lauryn went out to get us Monsters & cookies to bake! She got me a Rehab Green Tea Monster and it was so delicious! After our lesson we watched The Proposal, She's The Man and 27 Dresses! Lauryn went to sleep at like 1, but before that I had her pray with me over something I'm dealing with. While everyone was watching movies & chatting it up, I was dozing on and off the entire time. There was a small crisis where a cricket appeared on someone's blanket, and the squealing woke up Lauryn :( but she picked it up & threw it outside ugh. Then she asked where I was even though she passed by me to get the cricket & I don't see how she could miss me, I mean, I'm not tiny! :P she was checking to make sure I didn't get eaten by the cricket, how thoughtful that woman is at 2:30am. The last movie went off around 5:30am and I fell asleep an hour later, only to have to wake up at 8:30 to get ready to leave for a meeting with a girl there. Lauryn let me take all the cookies home and gave me a kiss on the cheek <3 she is one of the most kindhearted people I have ever met. Then I ate Whataburger for breakfast and I wish I could do that everyday.

    The meeting was hard to stay awake through considering I had two hours of sleep, which increased my irritability at stupid people.

The next day, my aunt took my twin sister & I shopping for school clothes! I must say, I wore way too many basketball shorts, sweats, & tshirts to school last year. So she took us to Forever 21, where she paid a buttload of money to get me like 5 new shirts and 2 or 3 pairs of jeans! She is too nice for doing that. People who go to my school, she's the reason I'll be dressing all ladylike ;) God takes care of all of my needs!

Random thought: I hate when people try to figure me out, because they never will. I can hardly figure myself out. Like you don't know my life, don't say what I am and what I'm not. Whether that's too stressed, not hardworking enough, or lazy, you have no idea what I go through on a daily basis to come to any conclusions about me. Speaking of, school starts in a week :(

Enjoy your week!
xoxo, Erin

INTERESTING SUMMER?

     First things first, I lost more weight! I know because I went down a size in jeans, so my mom bought me a pair of jean shorts to celebrate :) I haven't felt comfortable in jean shorts in years. My calves are slimmer from more muscle, and my thighs are smaller too. The fact that I notice my own weight loss means it's significant. I usually deny it. Still got a long way to go though! Once I'm comfortable with how I look & how my clothes look on me, I'll hop on the scale and see how much I lost :) if I weigh myself in the middle of my journey and it's less than I expected, then I might get discouraged & quit. If I like how I look then weigh myself, & it's less than I thought, it won't matter cause I'll be happy with my body! I'm logical ;)

ALSO! I'm going to be a counselor for a Christian music camp next week! It's a day camp for K-6th graders for them to learn a musical and learn about Jesus. I wish I'd gone to one of those as a kid. There will also be lessons for us counselors, since we're all teenagers. Anyway, I got assigned 6th grade girls, along with a girl, we're like counselor partners! I don't wanna say her name here. She's really nice! There are like four people I already know there from school, and there's a cute guy there that's new to me :D why do I have to imagine myself in a relationship with every guy I meet? Can't help it. Hope he likes me. Anyway, I'm really excited about this! The theme is western farm-ish, & the counselors have to learn a dance to put on for the kids that will be somewhat like the Hoedown Throwdown. I like dancing :) me & my partner's cabin color is hot pink, so we and the girls have to wear lots of hot pink during the camp week! Each cabin (group of kids) has a different color, and we got hot pink bandanas which my partner is bedazzling with our names :D I used to teach Sunday school to kindergartners and I miss it. I'm glad to be able to teach our young about Jesus, this is the day and the age to teach them. I just love kids. And I'm babysitting this cute little 5 month old baby this Saturday! :D eeeeee, so happy.

Enjoy your Tuesday!
xoxo, Erin

BACKWARDS COLONOSCOPY ;)

I had something done today called an endoscopy, which is like a colonoscopy, but instead of going in through my butt, they went through my throat. They were looking for ulcers or anything that might be causing me so much nausea.

I wasn't allowed to eat anything solid after 8pm last night, & no liquids after midnight. That wasn't that big of a deal. My mom & I got to the hospital at 6:10am to get ready. It was the adorable kids' hospital I went for my ultrasound! With all their decorations like zoos and butterflies :) I'm not looking forward to when I'm 18 & I actually have to go to normal, non-decorated clinics :/ my mom had to fill out some paperwork for me. As I was waiting, some people walked in holding a little boy who couldn't have been older than 4. He was scared, clutching a huge bear and hiding his face in his mom's shoulder. He went in for whatever his surgery was before I did. They gave us a buzzer that would go off when they were ready for us. I started feeling nervous, thinking of when they give too much anesthesia and people go into comas, or if for some reason I didn't fall completely asleep and was totally aware :o the buzzer rang.

They took my weight, and I lost 7lbs with my working out so far! It's only been a week but I'm ecstatic! :D then they made me pee in a cup. They led me and my mom to an area with beds separated by curtains. There was an Indian girl across from me who looked about 10. She looked scared. My mom kept asking if I was nervous and I kept saying no, but she noticed me tapping my knee (one thing I do when I'm scared) and me looking around at everything. They then told me to get on a stretcher, and two nurses wheeled me (with my mom following) to the operating/procedure room which was decorated with tons of butterflies! I sat up the whole way there & didn't lay down until the anesthesiologist told me to. I gave my glasses, iPod & phone to my mom. They put a pulse checker thing on my thumb & he put a mask with laughing gas on my face for me to hold. Suddenly panicked, I reached out grasping for my mom's fingers and I found them. The anesthesiologist then told me the gas coming up would taste like rocket fuel, and I'm guessing it was close! :( He told me to blow it away, I'm guessing because when you blow out fast, you intake air fast so I would fall asleep quicker. The nurse asked me what grade I was in & I said 12th. She then asked what school I go to, and I could feel myself slipping away so I didn't bother answering. My mom reappeared over my face and said something like, "Oh you're going down." That's the last thing I remember.

First thing I remember is the very end of a tube being pulled from my mouth and my nurse said she was gonna wipe stuff off my face and I could feel something wet on my cheek & for a moment I wondered if I threw up. I was soooo sleepy, my eyes were still closed but I vaguely felt another nurse removing two IVs from my left hand and left forearm. The first nurse removed my blood pressure cuff. I then felt myself being wheeled to recovery and I could hear my mom's voice! I was trying to drift off again but I suppose the anesthesia was wearing off and I was now awake. My mom asked me how I was & the nurses asked if I hurt anywhere & I didn't. She then brought me a blue Gatorade & fed it to me with a straw :) they took the blanket they'd given me earlier though :( I guess I sat there for about 15 mins with my mom before the nurse asked if I was ready to go home. My mom went to pull the car around and the nurse helped me into a wheelchair even though I could have walked out of there on my own. But I let her. She even walked me to the passenger's seat & buckled my seatbelt! So nice. They had given me a pink drawstring backpack as a reward I guess :D

It was nice to have people taking care of me, people whose job it is to make sure I'm doing okay. My mom isn't that much of a coddler unless I'm really sick or sad. If I don't become a kids' oncologist, I might become a kids' oncology nurse :) Or an anesthesiologist, because he'll be charging an arm and a leg for putting me to sleep! They get big bucks! I spent the rest of the day eating jello, applesauce, some fish at one point. My mom stayed home most of the day except to run errands then an appointment for her job. For a mini-surgery, it wasn't too bad! I have some bruises where the IVs were though. Now we have to wait for the biopsy results. If they come back normal, I have to find a way to live with this nausea. God'll help. If I'm called to travel and preach, I can't do that if I'm sick.

Enjoy your health!
xoxo, Erin

I WAS IN A PLAY!

Okay guys, I'm sorry I haven't updated in a month in a half. :( I've had so much going on, I'm gonna start with the play I mentioned in April :)

I had a leading role in a student-directed play at school! I played Jan, a waitress in her 30's who cares very much for her two somewhat frequent customers, known as Man and Woman. She notices that they like each other during her 4am shift and tries to get them to talk to each other with the help of sleazy, nosy always-there customer Doc (played wonderfully by my best friend Lane). It was such an amazing experience!

I had my lines memorized in three days, and we had about a month before our first performance on May 11th, & a second the next night. I had some costume mishaps, such as losing my first dress and hating the second, only TWO DAYS before opening night, so I ended up wearing one of my own, which was fine with me! Lane & I took lots of pictures, it was great bonding time for us. :) I also got to know some of my cast members better, some I'd known since freshman year & others I had just met. They were all so wonderful! We took a cast bonding field trip to Waffle House one day after a more emotional, personal bonding circle thing where we confessed the best moment of our lives, the worst moment of our lives, our biggest hope & our biggest fear. "What happens in cast bonding stays in cast bonding." I wouldn't tell anyone what any of my cast members said, anyway.

I also brought in my coffee pot from home to use as a prop! On opening night, I accidentally spilled coffee on the table :( but apparently nobody noticed! The crowd was amazing that night, they laughed and groaned in all the right places. I got to hold Lane's hand and bow and it feels so amazing to have people cheering for us with makeup and costumes on with the stage lights illuminating us. Such a great feeling. My friend Nicole brought me flowers! & other friends came too. The second night, the crowd was boring. That was the night I gave Merryn my iPod to film for me :) then all the casts went to IHOP after, not just as theater tradition, but also because it was Gabbi (my director)'s birthday & the next day was Angel's, who played Woman.

It was an amazing experience. I might even say it was better than Annie, because I had a chance to learn real lines and become a real character, not just some background member. Hopefully I'll get a bigger part in Seussical! :) I'm gonna audition for fall show, musical & spring show & I'm writing a play so I can direct next year's Lions in the Limelight. SO READY! Senior year man :)

Get ready for part two!
xoxo, Erin

KETCHUP!

This is sort of an update blog :) catch up, get the ketchup? ;)

First, I got a lead role in the play I tried out for at school! :D I was so excited, I was crying. I've been waiting to get a lead role forever, even if it's just a ten minute play, at least audiences will see me act and be a character, not just an extra going in and out. Rehearsals are going amazingly, I've had my lines memorized since like the third day of rehearsal :)We have two more weeks of rehearsals before we have our opening night on May 11th and one more performance the 12th. SO READY to blow up that stage. <3

Second, my mom made me join this teen leadership group thing. I thought it would be really lame but all the leaders are really nice and fun. Apparently they'd heard about me for some time now, the founder said I "came highly recommended." Something great to put on my college apps! It seems like fun from this first meeting. We're talking about doing improv scenes for various worldwide topics like bullying, relationships, social media, that kinda thing. It'll be totally relevant to teens! Plus, my friend's grandma owns a company that does market research, usually taste tests for foods. My friend happens to be in the group also. So she asked if I wanted to taste milk and get $30 so I was like HECK YES. I did it and filled out a survey, easy money ;) going into my savings! Well, most of it, I'm only 16!

Having some good times. Even though not everything goes swimmingly, like with my health, God is still looking out for me!

Stay lovely!
xoxo, Erin

My Music. Swaggy.

I've been getting into some new music lately :) mostly songs and bands that everyone else has long since heard about, & I'm super late. But that's when I like it best, when everyone else is over it. I'm an odd bird. Anyway. My favorite songs right now arrrrreee:

-We Are Young by Fun. It's so freaking catchy, especially the chorus.. also by Fun., The Gambler. That song is so beautiful.
- Paradise by Coldplay. I could sing that song all day if no one complained ;) The lyrics are sweet and toned down, lots of repetition, that's what people like. I hope one day I can write a song as simplistic & beautiful as Paradise.
- Karma Police by Radiohead. That song is just great. I especially like the ending which says "For a minute there, I lost myself.." reminds me of when I was depressed & somewhat "lost myself" to the world around me, I lost precious time I'll never get back.
- Boyfriend by Justin Bieber. Say what you will about him, but his voice is even better than when he started. Puberty did not ruin him. Plus, he's 18 now & has more money than many of us will ever own in our lifetimes. So. That song is just cool. It's where I picked up the word swaggy, & I like it. ;)
- Safe & Sound by Taylor Swift ft. The Civil Wars. Made for The Hunger Games. Just, wow.
- I Surrender by Kim Walker. I could sing that all day as well. There's this one part where she's like "Your love makes it worth it, Your love makes it worth it all.." she's amazing. I met her, & today I wore the shirt I wore when I met her. She touched my shirt. Haha :)
-Measure of a Man by Misty Edwards. I love that song so much. She released an EP, with 4 songs. All of which I tend to keep on loop. I love any song by Misty. She's a Jesus songbird. <3

I could keep going all night, but I'm already sleepy & I have homework to do! I have a 46 in APUSH, oops. I suck at that class. But yeah that's my music.

Stay swaggy!
xoxo, Erin

National Best Friend Day.

So apparently today was National Best Friend Day. It got me thinking about my ultimate best friend, Jaysha, who moved last summer. I miss her so so so much. We talk on the phone at least once a week, & it's so not enough.
Then I have Bonnie, who I've spent the last year & a half becoming closer to.
Lane is my best guy friend ever, and we made a marriage pact: if we're both single by 25, we're getting married. He's already named our kids, I think he said Aubrey, Emery, Aaron, Emmett, & something else ;) I mean really, life dating him or married to him would just be a load of fun. We'd be great parents!
But anyway.
I guess I could see Merryn & Sarah being future best friends, since I can talk to both of them about pretty much anything.
My twin sister is automatically my best friend, we're connected forever.

I've had lots of best friends over the years, then I moved to Texas. Jaysha has been my best friend since 7th grade, and her unexpected relocation to Florida summer before junior year was hard on both of us. All my other friends get to see their best friend every day. Mine is thousands of mules away. (Oh hey there, unintentional rhyming) I still have Bonnie, but she's a best friend in a different kind of way than Jaysha. I miss my little Jaysha. She was shy around everyone except me. She always felt like I was more popular than her, but really, I have a lot of acquaintances; I told her that she & a few select others were the ones that really matter to me. I remember some days, we would wear the same shirt accidentally. We would make videos on my laptop at school & take a million pictures a day. That's one thing I miss, taking pictures with her. And her hugs. Everyone knew we were best friends, no one dared mess with her if I was there. I miss her helping me with history homework. I miss her chasing me down when I refused to talk to anyone about something upsetting. I MISS MY BEST FRIEND. Sometimes I feel like screaming because I haven't hugged her in 9 months. Sigh. Anyway. Happy NBFD Jaysha :D I love youuuu!

Rest soundly!
xoxo, Erin

One Direction.

So lately I've been completely enthralled with this not-so-new boy band, One Direction. It's composed of five boys, three are British, one is British Pakistani and one is Irish. Their names are Louis, Harry, Liam, Zayn, & Niall. Their ages range from 18-20. They are so sexy.

They were all on the UK X Factor, and got put together into a group instead of leaving the competition as solo artists. Smartest thing that has ever been done. That was about a year and a half ago, and now they are the most popular boy band of today. Their singing voices are quite good, I'm listening to the acoustic version of One Thing as I write this. :) I don't even know how many times I listen to their songs every day. Too many. Actually that's not possible.

So many people love them, lots of my friends. Just last night, Merryn & I jammed out to them on the DART train. We're gonna redo their music videos but we need three more people haha. But for real, I'll probably make a YouTube video soon of me singing One Thing acapella. :) I'm excited! I'm following all of them on twitter <3 they were also recently on SNL & iCarly. They were just touring America, & they were at a mall in Dallas & I didn't go :( I can't even remember why, but next time they do mall signings, I'm going! Now, more about the boys.

-Niall is 18, and one of my all-around favorites. He's the Irish one, with blond hair & blue eyes. His accent is beautiful, I'm teaching myself how to do one. He is known as the "cute little Irish one" of the group. Usually at their concerts & in music videos, he's wearing a cardigan or hoodie with khakis.
-Zayn is 19, & my other all-around favorite. He is plain sexy and has four tattoos and wears studs in his ears. He's known as the quiet, mysterious one. His vocal range goes quite high & I LOVE IT. In concert he wears a blazer with a tshirt underneath.
-Harry is 18, and his smile is gorgeous, as well as his hair. In a way, he is the lead singer but not really, he's the one in the group people usually know about first. He's known as the charming one. He ends up in a blazer and tshirt as well.
-Liam is 18. He has nice teeth, and you'd think he were the oldest, but he isn't. He's also in a way the lead singer. He's known as the sensible one. He usually wears the vest part of a three-piece suit with slacks in concert.
-Louis is 21. To me, he isn't the best singer, he's alright. In video diaries & stuff, he's quite energetic, which could also be annoying at times. But he's funny! He's known as the funny one, so.. yeah. He usually ends up in suspenders, which I find quite adorable.

I'm going to marry Niall or Zayn. End of discussion. I must go to bed, I don't have school tomorrow, but I do Tuesday! Boo. Jk, there's so many kids all over the world who wish they could go to school.

left to right: Liam, Harry, Zayn, Niall, & Louis <33

Sleep tight!
xoxo, Erin

THE HUNGER GAMES.

So this morning, I went with my mom & my sister to go see The Hunger Games. I'd read the book and was so excited for the film. It was absolutely, exponentially, wonderfully spectacular.

I'd heard a few people saying that they were highly disappointed as they walked out of the theater, and also people who said they loved it. Luckily, I don't give a flying hoot what others think, so I went into the theater open-minded. Sure, the director changed or left out some details from the book, like the fact that in the film, Katniss buys the mockingjay pin and gives it to Prim on reaping day, but in the novel, Madge, the mayor's daughter gives it to Katniss before she heads to the Capitol for training. But come on guys, when they make a film adaptation of a book, they never make it exactly the same. Other details were excluded from the movie, but I won't say everything; there is a list of differences on Wikipedia though!

I wanted to cry at the scene when Katniss first volunteered for her little sister Prim, even though I knew it was gonna happen. Prim's screams and tears were very believable, & the girl who plays her is even younger than her character, Willow is 11! And then when they had to leave Katniss before she goes to the Capitol was sad. Of course, when Rue died, I was crying. It was the most poignant scene in the movie, when Rue slowly looks down to see the spear in her abdomen and pulls it out and starts falling before Katniss catches her.. oh cheese. Jennifer Lawrence is also a very good crier, might I add. When Rue dies, Katniss has a nicely done crying fit before moving on. I also really liked Isabelle Fuhrman who plays Clove; she was very vicious. And Jackie Emerson, who plays Foxface. I'm actually not a big fan of Gale. The entire movie was great, they sure picked the right actors.

I basically have a girl crush on Jennifer Lawrence. I've looked up her interviews & she is quite the funny one. I would love to meet her one day, or act with her, since I'm getting into acting :) I'm also following like half the cast on twitter & instagram, like Amandla Stenberg who plays Rue, & Jackie, & Leven Rambin who plays Glimmer :) I would love to meet all of them!

Another thing, if The Hunger Games were real, and my twin sister got picked, I would definitely volunteer for her. I think. Most likely. Like they say in the book, "Family devotion only goes so far on reaping day." But I'm sure my sister would be one of the first to die, she's a bit of a pansy. At the slightest sign of injury or pain, she'd be crying, someone would find her and kill her, if she didn't die in the bloodbath.

But me, I'm tough. Physically & mentally. I've had two surgeries, the latter of which I was old enough to remember & recovery was painful. I've also had a myriad of bodily issues the past few years, such as terrible headaches, I bruised the bones in my shins, I got a decent burn from a curling iron, I tore a ligament in my knee that caused pain for over a year to this day, mysterious toothaches, recently I pulled a muscle in my lower back which was excruciating, I had an intestinal blockage of sorts, and something diagnosed as asthmatic symptoms that cause chest pain. And I get through it, usually without crying. My pain has to be terrible for me to cry about it, otherwise, I just get through it, because I know it'll be over. Mentally, I've been hurt in life. Who hasn't? I put my guard up so as to not get hurt again, & often people think I'm harsh. But that could be a good skill in the Games. I'm vicious & could be pretty ruthless if it came to saving my life. I would definitely kill someone if they were about to kill me, & it meant I would live longer, or even win the Games. I don't know what special skills I have, like archery, & I'm too big to climb trees. I'm really strong for a girl, I'm good at sneaking around silently, and if I had no weapon, I've taken karate. I could also beat someone to death with my fists. I punch pretty hard. I think I would win, or be one of the very last few tributes alive.

WHEW! That was a long post! I just had to get all of that out. Anyway, have a good weekend! May the odds be ever in your favor.

Happy Hunger Games!
xoxo, Erin

What is love? Answer me that!

Sooo I was scrolling down my Facebook newsfeed and my cousin put up a list of what she needed in a boyfriend. It was called- I need someone who is prepared for: Lemme just put em here for ya ;)

-A million questions
-Uncontrollable laughter
-My family
-My appetite
-Musical outbursts
-Random dancing
-My friends
-Sad/happy tears
-Deep talks
-My imagination
-My dreams
-Walks in the rain
-Random texts
-Useless arguments
-Acceptance of the real me

I thought that this list pretty accurately describes what every girl needs in a boyfriend. For me, it's especially the random dancing, appetite, sad/happy tears, deep talks, & my imagination part. Oh and the million questions! Acceptance of course. My mom says I'm special sometimes when I break into dance outta nowhere :) The deep talks is a big one, I can have a deep talk with just about anyone. If I don't know you well, it won't be about my problems, but anything. My imagination, oh dear me. I come up with ideas for books and short stories to write every day. I JUST NOW THOUGHT OF ONE :o

But one that made me go like uhhh was the walks in the rain one! I don't do that. If my boyfriend wanted to go for a walk in the rain, I'd be like, yeah how about we get the heck inside your house & bake some cookies or something? (Sidenote: that would have sounded much better/funnier with certain cuss words in certain places, but I've vowed not to cuss on this blog.) A drive in the rain I can handle. Actually, a drive anywhere. I like taking drives. I can't drive, but I like riding in cars. When I'm not freaking out because I think we're about to get hit and I'm gonna die before I learned how to drive. But I'm mostly over those anxiety issues. Sorta. Not really. Meh, that's a whole other can of worms, mate.

Also: I watched Friends With Benefits tonight, IT WAS SO FUNNY! I love Mila Kunis so much. So much. She's beautiful. If I ever meet her, I don't know what I'll do. HUG ANOTHER HUG PICTURE WILL YOU GO TO LUNCH WITH ME YANK OUT A HAIR WHEN SHE'S NOT LOOKING-- wait, what? :D

Okay it's like midnight. I need a shower. Then to sleep, I gots church tomorrow!

Sleep tight!
xoxo, Erin

SPRING BREAK.

So, it's been an extremely long week, waiting for our week of freedom. We could all barely sit through class, especially since the English TAKS was Wednesday. That test seriously hasn't gotten any harder since I first took it in 5th grade, when I moved to Texas. I almost feel like they're insulting my intelligence! Like, do you think I'm stupid? I know I'm not alone in this. But this blog is actually about me making a change & people who I'm changing unconsciously.

In response to the whole Joseph Kony deal, I sent in a club proposal to start a club at my school to raise money to send to Feed the Children. My vice principal asked me why don't I wanna help poverty kids in my community instead? I LIKE AFRICA. I've always wanted to send money to Feed the Children, but never had money. I figure, I can figure out ways to raise money with anyone else at school who wants to be in my club and we could raise a lot and make a difference for those sweet little African babies :) I told the VP if he denied my club request, I would just fundraise outside of school, so he might as well say yes! I just wanted to make it easier for anyone at school to join me in my quest. Plus I figure, all adults see my generation as lazy, selfish, self-consumed. If one of us wants to make a change for anything, anyone, anywhere, why would you deny us that? But, just because one person might say no doesn't mean I'm giving up! I am a determined person. When I set my mind on something, I don't stop until I get it. End of story. I will raise money for those kids in Africa. I need something positive to focus my energy on, so I don't have as much room in my head to think about bad things or non-important things. :)

People have been saying super nice things about me lately! I shall share a few :)
-"I respect your opinion because you are one of the few people who is nice enough to respect others."
-"You are a great friend, and wonderful human being in general."
-"I wish they were all like you."
-"You're keeping me on the straight and narrow."
-"How someone is able to be kind-hearted & sassy at the same time is beyond me. However, you manage to do so flawlessly."
-"You're the type of friend with good advice and a hug ready whenever someone needs it."
-"She may come off as shy but if you stay around her long enough, you will see her colors shine."
-"You're too young to have the blues. Chin up, girl, the world awaits you."
-"I enjoy your presence in my day, it makes it a whole lot better."
-"You're super nice and anyone who's ever mean to you should go die."
-"Keep your head high! Someone will see your spark."
-"You are a true woman of God."
-"I'm happy you're you."
-"Thank you for being there when people in general need you despite how you feel or what is going on."
-"You're a giant contributing factor in keeping me in reality and not lost in my mind."
-"You're one of the best people I've ever met. You know that?"
-"I'm glad I befriended you, you're super sweet."
-"You're the sweetest person on earth. Hands down."
-"You're the only one that truly understands me, for real."

That was essentially a list of the nicest things people have ever said to me, that I can recall. Those were all either stored in my phone as texts, my Facebook, or my twitter. If anyone happens to send me a nice text, I save it to make me smile when I'm sad, that's where a lot of those quotes came from. I will always remember them verbatim & who said what. I love my friends :) this was a long post! It's 1:14am & I've started going to church again so I should sleep!

Goodnight!
xoxo, Erin

JOSEPH KONY MUST BE STOPPED.

Good afternoon, fellow humans :) I feel the need to write a blog post about this pressing issue around the world today: Joseph Kony. Who is he, you ask? Welllllll..

He is a man who is in his early 50's. He is said to reside in Africa. He has spent the last 29 years abducting children and teenagers right out of their beds, turning them into child soldiers, and the little girls into sex slaves. He has forced them to kill their own parents, and mutilate people's faces (shoot them in the nose, ears, mouth, etc). He has essentially created an army of children who have been taken away from their families, and who will be killed if they attempt to escape his grasp. Now you ask, why is this suddenly trending worldwide in 2012? Many people didn't know about him. A group of guys went down there in the late 1980's and made a documentary about it around the 2000's. They have made 11 total. They managed to get the U.S. government to send some troops down to Uganda to try and find Kony but he is basically invisible. NO ONE CAN FIND HIM. And, his bodyguards are kids. Any attempt to capture him would result in the deaths of many kids who don't know any better. This just isn't right. Tell your friends, tell your school, tell your co-workers. We need to spread the word about him.

Also, I've heard rumors about the validity of the Invisible Children campaign, the one that made the documentaries. Supposedly they only want money, and use the profits from their t-shirts and posters to make more videos. Granted, we need the videos to spread the word, but they shouldn't be spending 8 million dollars on just videos! How about we use that money to FEED the children of Africa? That might be a good idea.

Although I am all for the cause of bringing down Joseph Kony, I'm a bit iffy on the charity, so I will just focus my efforts on Africa in general. I will be raising money to send to real charities such as Feed the Children. I probably will create an organization at my school for such purposes. If we all got together to make a change, how amazing would that be? We could show the elderly that our generation is not ignorant and selfish. We want to make a difference! I'll crochet bracelets to sell for $1 each, and packs of gum for $1.50 each. I'll think of more stuff later. I'm so focused on this, God will be pleased with our work :)

Sweet dreams!
xoxo, Erin

Forget you.

So I've been thinking. I should be my own best friend. Other people are so much trouble, especially girls. If I had a best friend at all, it would be a boy. & I do have a guy best friend, Lane. :) but girls are so much drama. And in a way, I was just betrayed by my own best friend. :(

I thought she cared about my feelings. But I guess not. I don't wanna say too much but basically she is going after the guy I like. The only reasons I can think of why she would possibly do that is: somehow she got amnesia & didn't remember, or she thinks I don't like him anymore because it's hard for me to open up to guys so I don't show it. Plus I knew he liked her, so I was like screw it I don't care. But I really do :( and every guy I've liked so far has ended up crushing on my best friend. I'm like, WTF. Are you serious? What's wrong with me?! & she hasn't liked any of them so far except this one. And they freaking kissed. And she told me about it. And I am pissed. And I don't give a flying crap about their relationship, hidden or not. I don't wanna hear about that. I've never been in a real relationship, the last one, two years ago was dumb. It's not my fault no guys are interested in me, except the ones I'm not interested in.

I only have one friend who seems to care about my feelings & happiness. Everyone else is like, "Erin's tough, she'll be fine! Who cares?" Guys, I need support too! I need to know someone cares. Everyone is in it for themselves these days.

 I've always cared about other people more than myself, and more than others care about me. It says in the Bible to put others first, but I magnified it unconsciously. I've almost convinced myself that I'm not nearly as important as other people, & that's bad! I need to make a change, cause putting others miles before myself hasn't gotten me very far. In the end, everyone is happy because of me, & I'm up the creek without a paddle. I'm done putting my hope & trust in others. I'll just look to Jesus. He is the only dependable One in this world. I also like this other guy, but I'm not putting too much stock in him in case nothing works out.

I refuse to go to sleep crying again tonight. Happy thought, happy thoughts.

Best wishes,
xoxo, Erin

Let's keep going!

Sooo lately I've been gravitating back and forth from extremely good mood to hopelessly upset. I don't like this! A great deal of these mood swings aren't my fault; my extremely low Vitamin D affects my mood. But some of it is all me. I will not let this go on my entire life! I simply won't. My whole life, I've been building habits of being a serious worry-child (that's what I call it haha) & just worrying left and right about everything, things that hadn't even happened yet. Right now I've been worrying about my schedule for next year, my process of losing weight, my soon-coming college years, and even what I'm going to wear tomorrow! Being so anxious all the time is truly exhausting. I will not let Satan win!

I made myself a conscious decision to not worry about things that haven't happened yet. Most things will take care of themselves, or I can take care of them, with some help from other people, because I can't do everything on my own like I used to believe. Such as scheduling & online classes & taking classes in school & out periods, I just need to keep going to the counselor's office & she can help me. And it'll be fine. Things like this will turn out okay! I needed someone to remind me of that fact. One of my teachers.

Yesterday, the day I went home sick because of extreme effects of my monthly, I sat in the hall with my favorite teacher for a good 20 minutes talking about life. I ranted and complained and rested my head on her shoulder while she told me good things about myself and my life. I told her how I dream dreams and see visions & angels and she told me a cool story. I'm glad she loves Jesus, just like me :) she can relate to me. This is the same teacher I mentioned in an earlier post, btw. She even bought me an exquisite journal to express my new "attitude of gratitude" & she inscribed it! I'm going to keep that forever. & she said she would keep a gratitude journal with me! She is so supportive, her kids are lucky to have her as a mom :)

Totally different topic, last week I did the Cinnamon Challenge at a friend's house & put it on YouTube! It was awful, I don't know why I believed I could succeed! It burned my throat & made me wanna vomit. Ahhhh. But the video was well received by my peers ;)


& it was Valentine's Day this week! I wasn't looking forward to it because there would be an overcrowding amount of big, red, heart-shaped balloons, flowers, chocolates, and couples making out and basically having sex in the middle of the hallway. But my guy friend, Lane, who I went to homecoming with last year & who numerous people have assumed we were going out, gave me the most thoughtful Valentine I've ever gotten. He made it, & drew pictures of our inside jokes & memories together <3 he is so sweet! We might end up dating very soon ;) & my best friend gave me a Valentine shaped like a whale, "whale you be my Valentine?" I love her!

All in all, I'm getting better. My motto is let's keep going! How else will I get anywhere?

Best wishes,
xoxo, Erin

YAY FOR GOOD THINGS.

So this has been one heck of a two weeks. I haven't posted cause I'm a jerk and I think more about my sleep than anyone reading this. ;) but anyway. I went to the doctor, I had the three show nights of Annie, and now I'm starting a new chapter in life. That's really cheesy, but there it is.

1. THE DOCTOR.
- I went to the doctor before 6th period ended. When I was leaving lots of people said bye. I was like, "Guys, I'm not moving! I'll be back." My friend Sarah told me to let her know when I was on my way back to school (for rehearsal, I was NOT missing that no matter what. Shows my stellar dedication.) and what the doctor said. Nice to know your presence will be missed. So I got there with my list of all my ailments and the doctor gave me a thorough examination. She did an x-ray of my stomach because she felt something hard in there (wearing a hospital gown was not fun but I kept it!) and she sent me to get some blood drawn. Afterwards, I got sent back to my exam room to wait for my results.
It took my doctor forever to get back which concerned me. She eventually returned and told me basically that I needed to "get cleaned out". So glad it's nothing more than that! I got my blood results a week later. I have very low Vitamin D, which explains my hair falling out, mood swings, muscle pain, and fatigue. I also lack Vitamin B12 which is why I have low metabolism, low energy, and I don't lose weight. & I'm borderline anemic, which explains fatigue as well. When the norm for Vitamin D pills is 200-300mg, I'm on 50,000! Per pill! I take two once a week (happens to be today), and Vitamin B12 every day. So I should be feeling better in 2-3 months :D so happy! They put me on nausea pills but they aren't working :/ but I'll keep praying!

2. ANNIE.
I played the character of an elderly hobo in our school's production of Annie this year :) I had so much fun with my friends doing the show! Although rehearsals weren't fun when they got later and later, and especially since I was feeling so terrible, but the musical turned out great! I got a cane to support my character and I wore old-age makeup! We had children in the show playing orphans and I love those kids so much! The time went by so fast but I really got to know them :) sometimes all kids want is someone to listen to everything they have to say. Kids say some pretty hilarious, insightful, deep things sometimes. I'm really gonna miss those little nuggets. And Chandler, this middle schooler that my best friend Bonnie introduced me to. I consider her a sister now, we've been through so much together in just a few months <3 the cast dinner after the last show was too much fun, I lost my voice that night and it's been going out since then..

3. NEW ME.
I have to be more secure within myself. I have to stop worrying about what people think, only God's opinion matters anyway! Also, I need to start public speaking about Jesus and the dreams and visions He's given me. I know it's all in His timing, but it's been on my heart lately to tell the whole world about it! I spoke with Bonnie's youth pastor's wife who said we could pray about it together and go get coffee or something & get to know each other better :) I love meeting new people and she is very nice! I'm gonna start exercising too, I need to get this weight off me. It would make clothes shopping easier too! I just need to work on me right now, & stop trying so dang hard to make everyone else happy. That's the plan, but we'll see what happens!

Well that was a long post. I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Peace!
xoxo, Erin

BUSY BUSY ME.

So break is over. Sad day. I didn't get much of a break because I had basketball crap to do almost every day of the WHOLE TWO WEEKS. Now I need some more sleep, and to get back into the swing of things.

I have more early mornings for basketball practices, then late nights for musical. I'm in Annie, & we have rehearsals from 4-7pm every day this week, then next week will be 4-9 :( almost makes me not wanna be in it, especially since it might end up as crap. But I have to go anyway. I don't know how I'm gonna be getting my homework done. I have AP Psychology this semester, in addition to my APUSH, and my AP English 3 courses. I never even signed up for AP Psych; I just got shoved into it! AHHHH. I want to get out of there, especially since it's alllll the way in the other building. I'll see if there's anything else available in the 5th period slot. Gah.

When musical ends (we perform on January 12/13/14th) then I'll still have basketball stuff. Our last game is on February 28th I think, then we're in off-season. No more late games & hopefully no more early mornings either! I mean, I'm only the manager & I still have to do all this crap! Then I'll be studying for the APUSH exam & the AP English 3 exam in May. I hope I pass this year, cause I haven't the past two years I've taken the history one.

Speaking of history, I'm up to a 63 in APUSH! Normally I would cry at seeing a grade like that on my record, but I previously had a 53 in the class. I went up a whole ten points because I got a 65 on my fall semester exam. :) that's the highest grade I've ever gotten on any of her tests! Now I have to average pass this semester so I can get full credit. I need to do the reviews & do retesting when I don't pass the tests! I really need to step it up in school. Truthfully, I could be an A student, but I have quite the awful work ethic. Sigh.

Alrighty. It is now 9:42pm Tuesday night. I should go to bed, early morning tomorrow! To my readers, I hope you guys had a good day today & that you have a better one tomorrow :)

Sleep tight!
xoxo, Erin