SENIOR YEAR STARTS TOMORROWWW

       So, my senior year of high school starts tomorrow. Bittersweet.
My high school experience hasn't been as great as I thought it would be when I was younger, but it seems weird that it'll be over this year. Summer was pretty nice, I enjoyed relaxing, and now I have to go back to school and see people I never wanted to see again. I have to start socializing again, cause I've hardly talked to or seen anyone from school the past 3 months. So lemme, ya know, reintegrate myself into teenage society.
       At least I have my schedule. It's alright. Mainly excited for Anatomy & Physiology and AP Literature. And I'm an office aide, so I get a period of relaxation :) except for delivering passes and stuff to classes. I know I'll for sure have people to eat lunch with, since Jaysha isn't here, and I don't wanna be a loner and eat by myself. Someone eating by themselves is one of the saddest things I've ever seen. Each college is having their own lunch, and there are 4 now, so look who won't have lunch with most of my friends. I do have friends in my own college, the medical one, but lots of my friends are in the media arts college :/ oh well.          
       Also, Bonnie, my other best friend or so I thought, I suppose I'll be seeing tomorrow. I don't think we have any classes together, and I'm kinda okay with that. She's still my best friend I guess, but things aren't the same. She told me once, well into our friendship, that she would never be able to give me the attention that a best friend deserves, and that's always made me think: well should I even call you my best friend? I have Jaysha, even though she lives in Florida now, and it breaks me over and over when I think about the fact that she's not here for senior year. And Lane. And Gabe, too, but she's at college now having fun :) Bonnie and I have connected and shared things, but it feels like she's purposely not hanging out with me. She'll tell me she wants to hang out but that she's working or otherwise busy, then I'll see her on Facebook saying she's hanging out with other people. I can't even say how much that hurt. I don't want to cut her out, but I deserve better!! I have to keep reminding myself that I deserve better than what a lot of people are willing to give. I think I'll wait for Bonnie to notice me, to hunt me down or get my attention in the halls tomorrow. I will not be the first one anymore. I love that girl and she loves me, but not as much as I deserve.

       With senior year comes so many responsibilities, decisions, tryouts, applications, and tests that I'm only partly ready to handle. At least I have my mom :) I'm applying to Harvard, and if I get in, they'll pay my way there! Praying I get in <3 my heart is set on Cambridge, Massachusetts. If not, I'll apply to TCU, ACU, and a few other universities. And my 17th birthday is Thursday! And my grandma's 71st! What a great coincidence :D

Have a great first day!
xoxo, Erin