I'M SORRY DON'T HURT ME.

Okay so I know it's been a whole nother month since I blogged. And I know I said that last time too. Anyone who might be reading this, please don't hurt me. :) this will be another post of random things I've thought about lately.

- Someone I know just said "I swear to God, who I don't believe in." Then please tell me, WHAT WAS THE EVER LOVING POINT? People are stupid.
- I had a weird dream last night. I dreamed I came upon my friend Sarah & she was crying. I asked what was wrong, she said nothing. I said "No, no, tell me! It's ME. You can always talk to me." She said she was sad cause she had fallen down the stairs & nobody cared, and that she had no friends. I hugged her and told her it was okay, and that I would be her friend. She was still crying so I held her hand, like friends do. I remember feeling like we were on the same level of life.
- I also dreamed that there was an issue at school & I had to get home. I ran out to my car (weird cause I've never even driven) and drove out of the parking lot with expertise. I picked up this guy I know who also needed to get home. We took turns driving, and I suddenly found myself very attracted to this guy, and I could tell he liked me too. My thoughts suddenly turned to sex, then I was like UHHHHH. So weird!
- I was really happy one day last week because the most popular, prettiest, well-dressed girl in the 11th grade asked ME for something. I'm not even jealous of her, I just admire the confident person she seems to be. I also remember she followed me on twitter last summer; she followed me FIRST. I didn't know she knew I existed.
- I'm appreciating life more and more these days. It's only by the grace of God that I am still alive & kicking, with all the things that could happen to people these days. I am blessed with a middle-upper class lifestyle, and I'm so happy. I don't have everything, but would life be worth anything if we all got everything we wanted? I volunteered at a kid's hospital recently & a little girl told me how her family opened their presents early because they would be at the hospital for Christmas. I'll be with my family opening my gifts. Wow.
- I don't know what to do about my crush! People say he likes me, but I don't know. I get so nervous when I'm around him, and everything I can think of to say that's witty suddenly seems lame. His smile automatically makes me smile, it's like a baby puppy running through a meadow. When he looks at me I just feel tingly. I go through his Facebook pictures. And if he asked for my last piece of gum (not that he would), by all means boy, HAVE IT. That's it. I'm sprung for this guy. I really like him. I can't stop thinking about kissing him. I haven't kissed a boy in 2 years. His near-perfect lips drive me crazy, guys. I want to go to a party and pretend I didn't know he'd be there & kiss him under some freaking mistletoe on New Year's. I want to hold his hand and go on dates with food and kiss him more because that's what people who really like each other do. I just need to hear from him that he does, too.
- I'm writing a song! Four actually. A no-sense song, my non-lovey love song (I don't know lol), a slow Jesus song I'm gonna call Allegiance to You, and a praise song! IT IS HARD. For the record.


Well that was a lot. It's 2:15 in the morning, I should go to bed.

Take care, honeybears!
xoxo, Erin

MEH.

Sorry I realized I haven't blogged in over a month! I have been so incredibly busy. MEH. So this is just gonna be a blog post of all the random thoughts or realizations I've had recently.

-I just bought purple headphones, & my iTouch case is blue. I know they don't really match, but that's okay; I don't really match either.
-Sometimes I think my life would be easier if I didn't have any friends. Then again, most of the time I feel like I don't have any friends, so my life should be easier.
-Why is everyone always staring at me? They're staring at how fat I am. Or they noticed I didn't iron my shirt this morning.
-People just need to get over themselves.
-People just love to point out other people's faults so they can forget about their own for a little bit.
-Sometimes the people that people hang out with are nothing like them, & you realize that when you're alone with the nicer one. Completely different personalities.
-I'm tired of feeling judged & criticized all the time. I feel like no one loves me anyway, so why should I stick around? No one would care if I ran away. I can never do anything right. I haven't been in a relationship in two years. (Anniversary this week.) I suck at school. I have zero style. My room is always messy. My mother can't stand me. I'm fat. I worry myself to the point of physical sicknesses. My sister is awesome, & she gets me. She makes me happy.
-I want to punch all of these people in the face. And not take any freaking names.
-I just want God. I want to listen to Jesus music all day. Better yet, I want to be with Jesus & God forever and give them hugs & not be aware of time and have no pain and no tears. Soon.
-I can't wait to have children when I grow up & get married. I'm going to love them SO MUCH. I'm just gonna pour my love on them & cuddle. They'll probably get tired of me ;)
-I want to be a writer, an athletic trainer, a stage actress, a pediatric oncologist, a Christian rapper, or an evangelist.


Well that was a lot. I probably would have had a lot more, but it's 1:37am & I can barely see the screen. Probably nobody reads this, but anyway.

Goodnight guys :)

xoxo, Erin

PUMPED UP.

I've been up since 3:45 this morning, to finish my APUSH project then get to school to "manage" basketball tryouts. My body is so exhausted, it can't handle this stress I've been putting on it. So I puked.

In 2nd period, I just started feeling really weak & clammy & even more nauseous than usual. I felt like I might vomit so I got up and half-ran out of class to go to the restroom. Now, lemme just say, I haven't thrown up in 4 years. I was at Six Flags in 7th grade & the heat made me ill. I never get sick enough to throw up, I just don't. I get really carsick, though. And my anxiety gives me chronic nausea. But anyway. I made some weird loud burping/gagging noise when I got into the bathroom (and freaked out this girl in there) and knelt in front of the toilet. I was really shocked when I actually threw up, because I didn't expect to. I rinsed my mouth out, & also dropped my piece of gum I was gonna chew after :( I felt a bit better afterwards.

Sometimes our bodies just need to throw up, to expel all that waste we put into it. My body is incredibly exhausted at this point, so it couldn't handle anything. I'm not sick though, I feel fine now. No fever or anything, thank the Lord :)

Tomorrow I'm going on a field trip with my English class to go see To Kill A Mockingbird at the DTC! I'm so excited to hang out with my friends who I don't get to see very much. I'm gonna make up a dance routine to get everyone super pumped up before we leave in the morning :D & we get to miss the whole school day!

It's after ten, and I wake up at 5:15. I should get to sleeping. Saturday, I'm gonna sleep so late. I'm so excited.

Goodnight all!
xoxo, Erin

DANCING LESBIANS..?

So, last night I watched Black Swan for the first time. I know I'm extremely late in seeing it, but when I saw the trailers in 2010, it creeped me out, so when it premiered I didn't want to go see it. But yesterday it premiered on cable television so I thought, what the heck, let's give it a gander.
Oh my.

Let's sort out these thoughts of mine.

First, I loved the ballet aspect. I have always loved anything about ballet, and I thought Natalie Portman & Mila Kunis did a fantastic job with portraying high-class ballerinas.
Second, I was shocked by the SEX. There were sexual references, sexual scenes, and I'm pretty sure the movie was rated at least PG-13 because of the sex theme. I'd completely forgotten about the lesbian scene between Natalie & Mila, as well. It shocked me. I thought it was disgusting. Yet intriguing. It was weird. That kind of thing goes against my Christian beliefs, but even still, I think it's just odd. Anyway.
The ending also kind of irritated me. You can't really tell if Nina (Natalie's character) lives or dies! The freaking scene just fades to white after she's bleeding on the floor. I want to believe, for my own sake, that she lives, because I love her.
And the whole psychological thing of the movie was super weird. I've seen it three times total and there are still some parts I don't understand. And Nina vomits like 4 times in the movie..
Overall, I thought the movie was great.

I am in love with Mila Kunis. Officially. She is beautiful & hilarious in interviews, and she's so real! I want to meet her someday and like, go out to eat or to a club or something. ;) I need to see her movie Friends With Benefits; it looks so funny! Every character she plays is just astounding.

Okay, it's 3:50pm, it might be a good idea to start my homework. I've got an APUSH project to do. Sad face.

Toodles!
xoxo, Erin

GOOD DAY BRO.

I've had an amazing day today, guys.

I ate an apple fritter for breakfast & it was delicious. Also I've been a bit less nauseous today, so hopefully I won't have to get a stomach culture, because they don't look like fun. And when I went to the weight room in Sports Medicine today, I did pretty decent push-ups! I enjoy lifting weights also. :)

In APUSH I actually participated in the class debate, so I didn't get a zero for not speaking. And I actually enjoyed the cafeteria lunch today, because I'm a huge fan of broccoli! And in Speech class, I didn't get caught using my iTouch, haha. NOW FOR ENGLISH.

My AP English 3 class is basically my favorite class. My teacher is amazing & my classmates are great. We got to play on our class iPads on twitter. :) my teacher totally put me on blast & said everyone should go follow me because my tweets are "really quite insightful". That totally made my day. I gave my teacher a bookmark that has a Bible verse on it (can't remember which one lol) & it's made of thin metal & it's pretty. I told her it was to thank her for being such a good teacher & a good example of a Christian person. She gave me a hug :) I feel so unbelievably good when I can make people happy!!

Then after was Physics & that wasn't fun. But my day was great today, thank the Lord for happy days.

Later guys!
xoxo, Erin

THERE IS HOPE.

Yesterday when I was in Algebra 2, this guy was trying to get a friend of mine to ditch his girlfriend to go play video games. My friend said, "My girlfriend is more important than any video game, dude." I kept aww'ing, which embarrassed him but it was so sweet :)

Today when I was walking to the gym, I slipped & fell HARD in the hall right when some cute boys were walking through :/ I just sat there on my booty shocked, and they stood still too. One said, "Are you okay?" I said yeah. He said, "Do you want me to help you up?" I let him :) One of the other boys retrieved my water bottle, which had rolled across the floor when I went down. I thanked them both and went on my way. I was quite embarrassed, which is hard to do, but their chivalry somehow made up for the humiliation. They didn't laugh, or if they did, they waited until I was gone. Typical boys would have laughed in my face & not helped me up. These boys were sweethearts!

There is hope for the male gender! :)

Sleep well babes!
xoxo, Erin

SICK.

I don't feel good. I feel crappy.
I feel nauseous, exhausted, & that thing where you feel hot and cold at the same time. I really would like to stay home from school tomorrow, but that's the thing: in high school, you can't afford to miss a day. It's like we literally don't have time to be sick; we could have a test or quiz any day. For instance, tomorrow I have an APUSH essay (part 1 of a 2 part test), a Physics test, and it's Picture Day as well! I need to be there for all of those things. If I stay home, my APUSH teacher will just double the score of the 2nd part of the test, I'll have to stay after one day to make up the Physics test, & I'll have to plan ahead for the Picture Day make up day. I already have to stay after school 2 days this week, at least. I'm not really jazzed about the idea of having to make up things because my body doesn't want to cooperate. I JUST REMEMBERED: I may have to give a Speech presentation tomorrow. So that's four things I need to be at school for. I'm going to go take this weird medicine that supposedly keeps you from getting sick, & go to sleep by 8:30-9:00 tonight. I despise missing school.
If you believe in prayer, pray for me. If you don't, pray anyway, cause God'll hear you. :)

Toodles,
xoxo, Erin

Tiiiirrrreeddd.

I think this week has been pretty okay. Yesterday was AMAZING, though it didn't start out that way.

I went through the whole day not really feeling too good, with an upset stomach & just really worn out. I actually slept through most of my 3rd period! I also didn't eat much which is plain unnatural for me. But I had some rocking plans for after school :) we had our Homecoming pep rally, then I was to go to our home Volleyball game with Nicole & Monika, then go to Sonic, then our Homecoming football game! I got to assist our athletic trainer so I didn't have to pay my way in the Volleyball game, but I'm also in a Sports Medicine class. Then after Nicole drove Monika, Asad, & myself to Sonic, & then we went to the game! We lost 38-3 but I knew we would lose hard against Frisco. Nicole said how it was a much needed little outing for her, as it was for me. I guess we've both been feeling lonely these days, so God gave us each other :) we're getting to be great friends! Nicole, me & Monika call ourselves NEM Nation :D (our initials, haha, get it?) it was a great night with great people. Also, my Sports Medicine teacher is the best; she answers any question I ask her & she makes me laugh & vice versa :) Jesus has blessed me!

Hasta la vista, kids!
xoxo, Erin

left to right: Nicole, me :) isn't she gorgeous??

Two Mads & a Happy

So, Mondays are usually pretty crappy. Today was alright. I'm gonna post two things that made me mad or upset me, and one thing that made me happy. Hopefully later on, the happy list will be longer than the mad!

Mad 1- My Physics teacher accused me of cheating on a test. First of all, I would NEVER do that; I have morals and integrity & all that jazz. Second, I don't NEED to cheat. I love Physics and I'm good at it, so I have no reason to cheat! I have an 87 in the class right now. Third, I'm honestly hurt/offended that he would even suggest that I cheated. :/

Mad 2- I offered a friend of mine some of my carrots that I bring daily for a snack during school. I didn't know that she had shared them with another friend, and within minutes, they had finished the entire bag! I was pissed. I never gave them permission to eat the rest, & my mom doesn't pay for groceries for other people to eat.

Happy 1- My gay friend told me he was thinking about where he would go if he died today, & he realized he wouldn't go to Heaven cause he's gay. He told me he's trusting God to help change him & turn his life around! I am so proud of him. We have our differences, but I'm always there for him. Jesus is smiling! :)

Alright folks. This was longer than I thought. :o hasta la vista!

xoxo, Erin

Tell me the truth!

So I found this picture saved in my laptop with a poem on it. I thought it was really deep so I thought I'd post it here.


Tell Me

Tell me I'm clever,
Tell me I'm kind,
Tell me I'm talented,
Tell me I'm cute,
Tell me I'm sensitive,
Graceful and wise,
Tell me I'm perfect--
But tell me the truth. 


I believe it was written by Shel Silverstein, who is a fabulous children's poet despite the fact that he looks like a pirate ;)
The poem reminded me of people who think they're perfect & don't see the truth that they really aren't. It reminded me of people who somehow can't tell the truth. And last, it reminded me of people who just can't handle the truth.
Okay, I've been procrastinating at my homework all weekend & I'm thinking it's time to start my APUSH assignment. Goodnight all. :)

xoxo, Erin

Hello all!

Well I'm starting this blog mainly because some things are too personal for Facebook and everyone is moving to twitter & tumblr. Also, I use tumblr mainly for posting pictures, not posting my thoughts & stuff. So I'm creating this for any and all purposes! It's gettin' real. ;)

xoxo, Erin